Pececitos Dulce-Amargos made this pour toi.

Oh, I so needed to see snow today.

Oh, internet. Yesterday my day was going shitty, so I went to a party with my friends because it was right down the street from my house; there I run into my ex-boyfriend and we begin playing a very fun game of “let’s avoid each other even though this house is like 1000 square feet.” while I took breaks from this game to play “let’s see how much vodka and beer I can pour down my throat without puking” by myself. That was fun. And secretly, I ended up being so drunk that I texted him that I missed him. Because you know, I enjoy being a fucking mess.

I couldn’t tell if he was pissed or hurting. According to his very drunk friends, he’s been feeling the break-up but I just can’t believe that someone that would treat me that badly really cares about me. In fact, I begged him to show me he cares for the 7 months we were together and he refused to do so. I always thought it was because he couldn’t do it but I’m starting to think it was because he never felt that way about me.

This is also really shitty because I realized that not being able to talk to him proves that I’m not 100% over him which sucks because now I’m kind-of sorta in a thing with someone else. The kind-of sorta part is mainly because we both care about/like each other but it’s complicated (for, oh, so many reasons).

And also because with this new boy I know he cares about me but I can’t convince myself to feel it, which is ironic because that’s the exact reverse of why I broke up with the ex; because I could feel mad chemistry between us but I could never be certain of what it was/could be.

Maybe I’m just looking for excuses with this guy because I don’t want to accept the fact that there are relationships where nothing is wrong. I just wish the ex could just disappear from my life, but I know that isn’t being a mature adult that deals with her problems. The more I’ll see him, the easier it will get; I just need to get past the whole “I want to passionately sob or beat the living shit out of him every-time I see him” part.

Dammit and now I feel guilty about not telling new guy about this incident because I know the best friend is going to and then I’m going to look like a bitch for not telling him. Ugh. This shit’s complicated.